Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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