Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
