You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
