Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
