Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
