just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
