I can text with my tongue
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
