Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
