I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
