Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
