I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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