do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
