Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
