does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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