the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
