I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
