she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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