I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So many bounce houses so little time
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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