Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
