Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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