There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
