You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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