LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize