I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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