I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
