I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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