I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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