Don't make out with my wife yet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
