oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
