clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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