Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need to calm my uterus...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
