Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dignity is for republicans.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
True strength comes from lack of pants
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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