it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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