This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We left an ass print on the piano.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
