oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
