I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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