I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
