I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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