I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize