Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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