Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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