Your favorite bartender is back from prision
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
