and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I want to be your penis for a week.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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