Do you still have your period?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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