we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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