I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
