What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
