Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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