Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
