I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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