he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
