Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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