she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
