Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
