She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Be still, my beating vagina.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
