I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
