I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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