the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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