Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
