ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
