i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize