Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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