Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
